Walk a Mile in These Shoes, Smartypants

by Julie Miller

What if each of us had to spend a week living the life of every person we ever scorned? Surely you've seen the movie Freaky Friday (either in its original 1976 version with Jodie Foster, its forgettable TV version with Shelley Long, or its more recent big-screen incarnation with Jamie Lee Curtis and the new "it" girl, Lindsay Lohan). The premise, of course, is that a mother and daughter each think the other has an easy life and neither can understand why the other is always making such a mess of it. Something causes them to magically trade bodies for a period of time and finally they realize that things aren't as easy as they'd seemed. Duh.

Now I'm not even advocating something so radical as body-trading for this little scenario. I just think everyone could benefit from true experience as opposed to observation. We all reach some point in our young heady lives when we think we know all we need to know about a particular topic because we've read about it, seen it on TV (a documentary, no less!), had a friend/friend of a friend/relative/mother's cousin's neighbor who's been-there-done-that. For example, I went into motherhood knowing exactly what it would be like. I'd been a big sister to three kids with a total age spread of 14 years and I'd had a puppy, for heaven's sake. HAH.

After a decade or so of knowing so much, I finally figured out that I knew so little that it had gone way past "not even funny" and come full circle back to hysterical. I've gone through enough career changes and learning experiences at this point to realize that you really can't know until you've tried. So nowadays, whenever I hear someone pontificating about how someone else should do his or her job and I know that person has never done the same or even a similar type of job, I just want to shake the self-righteous ass and say "why don't you do it, then?"

Take teaching, for example. Such an easy job, right? You only work 'til mid-afternoon, get all the weekends and school holidays and the whole summer off! All you have to do is stand there and tell the kids what's in the book, sit back and relax while they take a test, and punish them when they act like jerks. Easy as pie (which isn't all that easy unless you buy pre-made pie crusts, by the way). Actually, I didn't go into it with quite that naive of a viewpoint, but I've become astonished over the years at how many people I meet do think those things. And I certainly never dreamed it would be as difficult a profession as it is. Teaching's a soul drinker. I can't even count how many times I wanted a legislator or a parent or a student to have to do my job for a while and see just how far off the mark he or she really was.

Oh, and I alluded to the mysteries of motherhood earlier, didn't I? I'm still learning how much I didn't really know about that one--and probably will be for the rest of my life. I'd outline a few examples, but then you'd think you know everything there is to know on the subject. And it's completely amazing how many childless people are experts on parenting. Or how many mothers of daughters know just how to raise sons. Or how many stay-at-home moms know just what the working moms should be doing and vice-versa. Walk a mile, baby.

So what if? I think there would be a whole lot more tolerance and understanding in the world. Yes I do. But I can't know for sure unless we try.