Fanatics, Confucius, and Duty: A Guide To Koreans
Before I came to Korea, I was told by people who had been here that Koreans are incredibly friendly and polite people, so I arrived here with the idea that people would be helpful and nice. And they are! Even if you can't speak a word of Korean, it's very easy to find someone to help you by using hand gestures and grunts. Case in point: I was lost in Seoul with my partner and a friend. It was midday in the middle of summer and I was dying of heat. We approached a random Korean and asked for help. He let us use his cellphone to call the backpackers we were trying to find. How friendly is that? The shopkeepers in my town know me by sight now and always greet me enthusiastically and help as much as they can (once again, using hand gestures). Every teacher I have worked with here has been a lovely person and extremely helpful.
Then there's the other end of the spectrum, the aspect of Koreans they don't tell you about and you don't find out about until you experience it first-hand. The things which really nail home the fact that you are in a completely different country with completely different customs.
Korea is a Confucionist society. This means that everyone knows his or her place, be it a position at work, a position as a wife, or a position as a student. As a foreigner, I'm sort of on the side--a person who has some small rank of her own but doesn't really fit into the whole social structure here. The fact that I am young, female, and a first-time teacher probably doesn't help my rank any! A lot of emphasis is placed on age, salary, and family history, which is why Koreans always like to ask your age, your salary, and your marital status. It would seem rude in New Zealand to ask these questions so blatantly, but the Koreans need to know the answers so they can place you on the social ladder relative to themselves.
Another shocker is the difference between the men and the women. Despite efforts to change this, Korea is still a very patriarchal society. Men are more important than women. Boys are more desirable than girls. Did you know it's illegal to know the sex of your baby before it's born here? Scary, huh? Anyway. The men get the better jobs, the better pay, and more respect. Out of all my schools, there has been only one female principal, and she didn't last.
Another part of Confucianism is respect for the elderly. A noble concept. I heartily agree with it. But! I'll respect the elderly if they respect me back, dammit! I've lost count of the number of times an aggressive old woman has pushed past me without a word. Also, they push in front of you in lines like you're not even there. I'm used to it now, but the first time some old biddy almost pushed me over as I walked along the street I yelled, "Excuse me would be nice!" Yelling things like that is not very satisfying when the person you're yelling at doesn't understand English. Sigh. I used to think old New Zealanders could be aggressive sometimes. Well, they ain't got nothing on the elderly Koreans.
A specific passage in the Lonely Planet Guide to Korea mentioned that there is a streak of fanaticism in the Korean character. I have to say that this is absolutely true in my experience. Most Koreans make the hardest-working New Zealander seem lazy. The children all go to (expensive) academies after school until well into the evening so they can keep up with their peers. The adults all work crazy long hours because it wouldn't be seemly to go home early, plus they need money so they can afford to send their kids to the academies. (I ignore that rule. When I'm done, I go home!) Drivers are aggressive, and road accidents are apparently the number one cause of death for children. Young men spend hours upon hours sitting in internet cafes, playing online games, because they are so addicted. It's no mistake to say that they take things to extremes here! (Remember the hotsauce? Extremes, mate!)
One more thing I've had to get used to is that Koreans are notoriously bad at getting things done when you need them to. They say, "Oh yes, I will do that for you," but then you have to tell them again and again and again until it is finally done. It's enough to make you chew your arm off. Another case in point: When we arrived at our apartment, my fiancé and I were a little surprised to receive a water bill dating back to July '04. Huh. We paid our part and sent the other part to our supervisor, who said he would take care of it. Months went past, and every month we received the same bill and did the same thing. Our supervisor kept saying he would take care of it. Eventually we gave him our share of the bill and told him to pay the whole thing because a) people were threatening to turn off our water and b) the bank would not accept our payment unless we paid the full amount that was due. Two months later, it was finally clear. Very aggravating!
It makes me wonder just what they are doing during all those excessively long hours at work.
Fortunately, I have learned from the Water Bill Incident and know now that if I want something done, I need to keep asking, sometimes again and again. Some may call that "nagging;" I call it necessary!
Despite these slight "differences," I like Koreans. They can be a bit tactless ("Oh! You're fat!") and a little unreliable and a little pushy, but it would be hard to find a friendlier, more helpful lot. It took a little while to get past the things I didn't like, but now that I have, my stay has been a little easier and a lot happier.