by Kisha Geijer

Is there a geek in your life that you'd like to be able to converse with in style? Do your eyes glaze over when the nerds around you throw cryptic words around? Do you nod in agreement when they look to you for an answer, but secretly you're just wishing you had more potato chips? Well, fret no more--we're going to help you learn some of the right words to fake your way through those awkward moments.

HTML: HTML stands for Hyper-Text Markup Language and it's what makes a web page work. It gives structure and format to a document--and design, too, more often than not. XHTML (eXtensible Hypertext Markup Language) is a new-fangled variant of HTML. That's the short and sweet answer, although it's more complicated than all that. Web geeks particularly like XHTML--Mosaic Minds is fully XHTML compliant.

Intranet: This is really not a hard concept, but most people get it mixed up with Internet. That's really unfortunate, since it's one of the easiest ways to spot a techno-faker. An intranet refers to the network inside an organization, which may look and behave just like regular websites. Intranets are typically not accessible by just anyone on the Internet. Think of Internet as being "across many networks" and intranet as being "within a network."

Perl, Java, PHP: These are all languages used to write scripts and programs found on the Internet and elsewhere. A language, when referring to computers, is a way of talking to the computer and telling it what to do. Every program you use has been written in some language. For instance, Movable Type, the popular blogging system, is written in Perl.

CGI (Common Gateway Interface): This refers to the rules governing how software interacts with the web. You'll most often hear people talking about cgi scripts. CGI scripts are the programs that make things work--like bulletin boards or chat rooms.

Download and Upload: When you save a file from the Internet, it's called downloading. When you put a file from your hard drive onto the Internet, it's uploading. You cannot download from your hard drive or your cd-rom or your dvd-rom--that's copying or installing. This is an extremely important distinction--misusing it will give you away in a heartbeat.

URL - Uniform Resource Locator: Easy peasy--this is just a web address. There's usually a long white box at the top of your browser window with this information. Check your version and make sure you have the latest while you're at it.

Browser: This is the software you use to surf the Internet. If you don't know what kind of browser you're using, and you use Windows, it's probably Internet Explorer. You can find out what you use by clicking on Help in your browser and then choosing About.

Multi-format DVD: There's a difference between DVD+R (or DVD+RW) and DVD-R (or DVD-RW) burners, so check the box carefully before you buy one. To be honest, the technical differences between the formats is not all that important to the wanna-be geek--as long as you know the differences exist. It's more about the DVD burning manufacturers being engaged in a war over which format will become the standard than any particular features of one or the other. The best option currently is to probably to buy one that can do both--DVD+/-R or DVD+/-RW--but of course, that will cost you a little more.

Pixel: A pixel is the smallest unit that can be displayed on a computer monitor. A megapixel is one million pixels, and is the unit often talked about when discussing digital cameras--the bigger the number, the higher the resolution. (Not necessarily the quality of the camera--but that's another article.)

File-sharing: This usually refers to a program that allows you to download material, usually music, from other people around the world or the process of doing so. People are also able to download files from you, thus keeping the network alive. Napster, if you remember people talking about that, was a file-sharing network. The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) really really hates this.

Bit torrent: This is a relatively new one--bit torrent is one of the newer way to download files from the internet. It's similar to a file-sharing network, but it's more flexible and less traceable. The RIAA probably hates this too, but they haven't done much about it--yet.

Kbps: KBPS stands for "kilobits per second" and it refers to the number of kilobits transferred. . . well, per second. Most people know about kilobytes but not kilobits--a kilobyte is eight kilobits. You'll hear this when geeks talk about how fast their broadband connection is.

Broadband: High-speed internet--the only kind for a geek to have. It's defined as being at least 128 kpbs, but the higher the better. Usually, geeks have either a cable modem or DSL at home, but we all secretly dream of having our own T1 (lots faster than either cable or DSL.)

RSS (Really Simple Syndication): Imagine if your favorite newspaper got together with your three favorite magazines, twelve of your favorite blogs, the weather and three comic strips that you have to read every day and delivered to your door a personalized magazine with only information you're actually interested in. Basically, you use an aggregator (like Bloglines on the web or one of many stand-alone programs) that periodically checks particular news feeds that you specify and retrieves information on demand, saving you time and energy. RSS is really just a flexible format for storing and using information--but the implications could be huge if more people catch on to what it can be used for. It's already a pretty big deal to geeks everywhere.

Router: A router determines how network traffic travels. Lots of people use it to share a broadband connection between multiple computers. It can also act as a hardware firewall.

Firewall: A firewall acts as a layer of protection between a private computer or network and the internet at large. It will help stop random hacker-types from being able to access your personal information and it can safeguard you from unauthorized access to your computer. There are two types of firewalls--hardware and software. Unsurprisingly, a hardware firewall is a piece of physical equipment that sits between your computer and the internet. A software firewall is a program that runs on your computer that's trained to do approximately the same thing. Hardware firewalls are typically safer, but if you're interested in getting yourself one, a bit of Google research will help you decide what you need.

802.11 a/b/g: These are all related to wireless connections. Basically, they're just different speeds and protocols. A is fastest (but limited in range), B has the best range (but is much slower), and G is theoretically the best of both.