The Golden Years

by Cylithria Dubois

Annie sat near the side of her husband's bed. Gently she held his hand as she watched him sleep. The cancer had spread rapidly after it was diagnosed. Eric fought it the best his old, frail body could but it hadn't been enough. The doctor and the hospice volunteer said the end could come at any time. She wasn't leaving Eric's side, not now, not until he left her.

How am I going to get through this, how do I say goodbye to this man? Annie thought as tears flowed down her face. Staring down at her husband's peaceful face, Annie's mind wandered off. Back through time and a life filled with memories, back to a time when Eric wasn't in Annie's life. Back to when she was five.

"Mommy...." Annie called up to the woman sitting at the table in Grandma and Grandpa's house. The tall brunette woman didn't hear the five-year-old speak. She was too busy talking to Annie's aunts and uncles.

"I wish mom would just let him go already. Hasn't he been through enough?" Annie's mother lamented. Annie stepped away from the table. Something about the adults made Annie want to cry.

Late last night Annie's mom and dad had tucked her in the car with the explanation that they were going to see Grandpa. Annie fell asleep during the long drive, but awoke as they pulled into the driveway of her beloved grandpa's house. With all her enthusiasm and fully rested, Annie had run excitedly into the house, only to find her grandpa lying in bed. They told her Grandpa was sick.

Annie knew what it was like to be sick, just two weeks ago she couldn't go to school because she was sick and running with a fever. She told her mother she wasn't running, it wasn't allowed in school, but her mommy tucked her into bed for three days and Annie had to lie there bored and alone. Annie didn't want her grandpa to be bored, so she immediately hopped onto his bed.

Grandpa wasn't too sick in Annie's mind, because he greeted her the way he always did. "There's my golden girl, give me a kiss."

Annie struggled to kiss her grandpa's pale cheek through odd tubes that ran from his nose to some thing next to his bed. "You got strings coming out of your nose, Grandpa. Want me to get them out?" she had offered. Her grandpa could barely shake his head no. Grandma then explained to Annie that the clear strings helped Grandpa to breathe and had to be left in his nose.

Annie thought it was weird, but she left those strings alone and began telling her grandpa all about her garden at the new house they lived in. For twenty minutes Annie's mommy cried in Grandma's arms while Annie told her grandpa about the garden he'd have to come help her with. "Daddy said I had to plant peas. I don't like peas, but he said he liked peas, so we got peas, Grandpa. I told Daddy you get to help shell them." Grandpa didn't smile or answer Annie. Grandpa had gone to sleep.

That's when the nice doctor arrived and everyone made Annie leave the room. They said Grandpa was too tired to go out in the garden he had. The one he had taught Annie the art of gardening in. She had asked if he could go with her outside and they told her no. But now Annie's mommy said Grandma should let Grandpa go. Annie raced back to Grandpa's room, to see if Grandma would listen.

It was quiet in Grandpa's bedroom. Only Grandma sat beside Grandpa and she was holding his hand. Annie stopped near Grandma's favorite chair. Something about the room and the way it was so quiet made Annie slip into the wooden chair and watch, mesmerized.

I wonder why Grandma keeps telling Grandpa she is here. He knows that, he's holding her hand, Annie thought. She watched as Grandpa opened his eyes and looked at Grandma. Grandpa didn't talk but suddenly Annie's Grandma started answering unspoken questions. "Yes, I had a beautiful life with you Darren. I'd live it all over again if I could," Grandma admitted while kissing Grandpa's hand. "Don't you worry about me, I'll be fine."

Annie was only five years old and she didn't know much about life, but she knew when she saw her grandma answering questions that appeared only in Grandpa's eyes that Grandma was helping Grandpa somehow. She didn't know how she knew it, but she did. How long she sat in that chair undetected she didn't know either. She didn't even know why she was there except that Mommy said Grandma should let Grandpa go to the garden.

Other then her grandmother, Annie was the only family member present when her grandfather finally passed away. Until that point, Annie hadn't known what death was. There were no goldfish or pets that could have died in her life to explain to her what death was. But when Grandma smiled in a sad but happy way and kissed Grandpa's cheek as tears fell from her own, Annie knew Grandpa had died.

For some reason, Annie felt happy in a sad way. Tears came to her little eyes and she suddenly wanted a hug. Grandma was still holding Grandpa's hand and whispering words of love to him as Annie slid from the chair and walked to Grandma's side. "Grandma?"

That's when Annie's grandma noticed her. Gently kissing her husband's hand one more time, Grandma finally laid it down beside him and then scooped Annie into her arms.and spoke softly to the crying child. "Grandpa had to go help in the gardens of heaven Annie, but he loves you very much."

All Annie could do was cry and ask between her sobs, "Why did you let him go Grandma, why?"

"I didn't let him go child. He'll always be with us. I promise," her grandmother whispered to her that day.

It would be years before Annie would realize that Grandma hadn't let Grandpa go. That life itself mandates when a person's time is through. It would also be years before Annie would realize the depth love her grandmother had had for her grandfather and how even after Grandpa's death, Grandma never let go of that love.

"Where are you?" Eric suddenly gasped from under his oxygen mask. Annie's tear-filled eyes re-focused on the man she loved with all her heart.

"I'm right here," she whispered sweetly.

Annie suddenly realized Grandma hadn't let Grandpa go to the gardens of heaven that day. What she had done was tell Grandpa everything in her heart so that Grandpa felt he could go. As Annie leaned closer to her husband's cheek, she too began the whispering of love she once witnessed between her grandparents. Telling Eric of her love for him, and her pride in their lives together and their beautiful family, Annie watched as fear left her husband's face and was replaced with peace. When she swore to Eric that she'd be fine, he smiled. It was the last smile Annie would witness from her husband. It was also the smile he died with.

When Annie composed herself, she stood to leave the bedroom and go tell their children that their father had passed away. Lightly Annie allowed her fingers to caress the back of the old wooden chair she had once sat in years and years ago. Fondly she realized her grandmother had been right, Grandpa had never been far away throughout Annie's life.

As the image of her grandmother and grandfather meeting Eric in a stunning garden floated through Annie's mind, she heard the small sobs of her grandson, Tommy.

Once again, as had happened generations ago, a grandmother gathered a crying grandchild into her arms and began the caring explanation of death. Once again a five-year-old took those words to heart and Annie smiled. Although her grandson didn't quite understand yet, someday he would. And on that day, Annie would be with him, along with her husband and her grandparents and all who loved this golden boy. After all, as her grandmother and grandfather taught her on that day so long ago, these really were the golden years.