Four Shorts

by Adam Jeffries Schwartz

Adam Jeffries Schwartz You Say, Shh

You wake up in darkness, in Thailand. You wake before the gong--an overachiever still:

Briefcase, Pager, Phone, Phone, Phone. You threw them all in the trash.

Now, you have: tea, sweep, sit, stand, pray, pray, pray.

Sitting is the hardest. Your left leg goes numb from big toe to hip. Then it starts to hurt, but you can't move, not that it would help.

You concentrate, breathe, forget your body and float away to somewhere heavier and lighter--it's hard to explain.

You think, "It's just like sex. Sex, Sex, Sex."
You say, "Shhh. Shhh, Shhh, Shhh."

A Map of India

I heard India was spiritual, so I went to the travel agent. The travel lady puffed on her cigarette, said, "OK, kid, where, exactly, in India?"

"I can't pinpoint exactly, I've never been there."

"Kid, maybe you should start with a smaller country, like Bermuda."

Finally she drew a map of India, pointed out the major cities: Bombay, Delhi, Calcutta. Her ash fell on Calcutta, a good sign.

The air conditioning hummed. It was a hot day, but it was freezing in here. She took a red marker and circled Calcutta. She wrote the ticket, said, "Kid, you want to take some medication first?"

"Can I keep the map?"

"Sure kid, take the map. Take sun block, wear a hat."

Precarious Positions

My train stopped in Granada, in Spain. I jumped off the train and quickly found a cheap hotel, went for a walk and fell in love. At the end of my long, gifted boyhood certain things came easily--these among them.

Granada is the perfect place when you're in a precarious position: it's small, compact and watched over by the Alahambra, the palace of the Moorish Kings, as Rio is watched over by Jesus.

Yes, Granada is both Spanish and Catholic, clearly she is. Look, there's a statue of Isabelle and Ferdinand, the Catholic Kings. But there's none of the airless fatalism they truck in with the tapas and the bullfights. Granada remembers; she still hums to herself.

But I didn't know what it had cost her--not really; I still thought everyone had endless, cloudless skies. So, when I saw Mohammad standing in front of me--staring, smiling, I took it as my due; I thought this kind of thing happened to all people, all of the time. I smiled back and we fell into pace as we twisted casually around the alleys.

His house had a balcony full of ordinary plants (geraniums) and weeds (ivy, mint) grown upward and outward as only loved children can.

"Put your hand," he said guiding my hand to a huge mint plant, "You feel it?" Then he placed my hand on his Koran, "The energy, you see?" Then he placed my hand over his heart, "It's all the same."

So I stayed for a while, then I had to go somewhere. I knew that I'd be back soon; there are always more trains.

But I was mistaken, there aren't.

The Pretzel

Alka-seltzer
Prize
Future
Bankrupt
Action
Stoic
Avenue

"Darling," my mother bellows up the stairs, over the landing, past my locked door and into the Avenue below, "you want a pretzel ... or something?"

"Alka-Seltzer?"

"Darling, it's not like he was some big prize or anything. What future did you really have with him?"

"Are you listening? You never listen," She screams a bit louder.

The pillow over my face vibrates. My ears are hot. I wish I were dead.

"A pickle salesman for God sake. A bankrupt pickle salesman. I ask you--how could you not sell a pickle. He must be an idiot. Besides, imagine, a whole life smelling of vinegar. Vin-e-GAR!"

"Do me a favor, send a homing pigeon down. I worry. There's no point being stoic. You're gorgeous--or you would be--if you'd just lose a few pounds. OK, all right already, I admit, it's my fault. Who knew the pickle diet would cause all this? You're blaming me. That's it? It's always the mother's fault!"

She says it, but she doesn't believe it.

"Darling, you want a pretzel or something?"

The Author

Adam Jeffries Schwartz is a writer and a traveler. He has stories in: Descant and Grimm magazines(both in Canada), Petit Journal (Mexico) and in the anthology, Walking Higher (USA)

Online he pops up at many sites, including: Ghoti (Fish) Magazine, Melange, LitBits?, Magazine Shiver, Mosaic Minds, Kaleidowhirl & Anacoenesis Literary Journal.