Ode to an Epilepsy Diagnosis

by Steph Bairey

My husband may have a seizure any time now
he looks healthy
he feels normal
he acts manly
but inside that mysterious brain
what demon hovers to steal him from me?

He doesn't remember the seizures
the bodily indignities
the subhuman noises
the animal battle
but I watch them and fear them
a person reduced to mindless responses from inside

He wants to live his life like it was before
climbing mountains
working hard
driving himself
but I cringe at the danger he faces
more terrified myself than he ever is

Our life will go on albeit differently
more naps
more pills
more caution
but my fear for him and myself
will have to be conquered first

Seizures are an unknowable enemy
when will one strike?
where will one strike?
why will one strike?
but he is eager to live again
and I will vanquish my fears for both of us

Epilepsy, you think you've got us now
fear of hazards
fear of losing him
fear of change
but our life will go on despite you
and when I defeat fear, I will have defeated you.

The Author

Steph Bairey is a web developer, author, and pet owner living in the rural jungles of Hawaii. You can visit her at: ">bairey.net or practical-pet-care.com.