Anticipating Disaster

by Elizabeth Wawrzyniak

1.

The first night you came home late from work,
I was already in bed.
The next morning I woke before you
And put my hands in the pockets of your pants,
Telling myself that I was just
Getting them ready for the wash.

I found nothing,
And still I'm not sure if I was disappointed
Or relieved.
You, for at least one more day,
Would still be mine.

2.

Three summers ago,
Your doctor told you to cut back on
Everything you loved about my cooking.

Oh, the waste that summer,
As we threw out everything that tasted like food.
Sprouts, tofu, grains and bran;
Every mouthful regulated and recorded.

I confess now that I hid Oreos in the linen closet,
Poptarts in the garage,
And Ben & Jerry in the very back of the basement freezer.

You choked down vegetarian burgers
And carrot sticks and I,
Weaker,
Gave in.

3.

Once,
I thought I was pregnant
And didn't tell you.

We were too young,
Too new together,
Too much of everything
And nothing all at once.

I sat on the floor of the glass shower,
Crying silent tears,
Invisible in the falling water.

I did not touch you for days,
Sleeping at your side,
But separate.
Called for appointments,
Called the doctor,
Ironically,
When she fit me in as soon as possible,
A lifesaver.

Two days later,
When my period finally came,
Late
But there,
I cried again
For the life I never wanted.

4.

When we were starting to slip apart,
I still did your laundry for you.

When you complained of socks disappearing in the wash,
I clenched my hands tight in my pockets.

What you'll never know is that I was stealing them,
One half of each pair tucked away safely.

Soulmates, like socks, come in pairs.
I was protecting my half.

The Author

Elizabeth graduated from Marquette University with a BA in English Lit and minors in Classics and Criminology/Law Studies and will soon begin an MA program in Medieval Studies at the University of Leeds, after which she plans on entering a PhD program in Medieval Literature, focusing on the English and French poetry written in the romance tradtion between the 12th and 14th century. Her poetry has also been published in the Marquette Journal.