Warped by a Joyful Girl

You know, I do a lot of silly things during a day. Some may go so far as to call them stupid things. I tend to turn everything into some type of humor. I love to laugh. I love it when others laugh and I love having fun, pure, plain, willy-nilly fun. On any given day, you can find me be-bopping around, either to music or to a new song I parodied or made up.

I've been doing this since my first memories, making up dances and sometimes songs to go with them. I have a great dance for the song, "I'm Too Sexy." Of course, the dance isn't meant to make me look sexy at all; it actually makes me look pretty darn ... well, stupid; but, oh boy, what a laugh I get every time I do it. Most of the time, I can't finish it because I am laughing so hard at myself. I really look like a moron, trust me on this. No music is off-limits, and the more exaggerated I can be, the better I like it!

Where I grew up, survival was serious stuff. Life on crabbing ships or fishing boats is dangerous and busy work in Alaska. People work hard and long hours and not many of them danced around like a moron like I did, but when I did or when they joined me, we had a blast. I guess my whole life I have been a dancing fool. Because I was so secluded growing up, I really thought myself the only dancing dork ... and then a miracle happened. I went to see a show at the Old Waverly Theatre in Greenwich Village.

My friends who took me to the midnight viewing were secretive. They also dressed funny. No, I don't think "funny" is the right word. Until that night in July, I had never walked anywhere with a man dressed as a woman, acting as a man. Far cry from the fishing industry, I tell you.

As we made our way along the streets I was beginning to worry. Actually, I was astounded. Maybe these were the "whack jobs" my father warned had me about when I moved to the city. That and many more paranoid thoughts entered my mind as we entered the theatre. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw in the audience. Nothing. I also wondered how they knew I was a virgin! I hadn't told them. I hadn't told anyone. How did they know? And why did Billy ask me for the playing cards?

I almost left The Old Waverly Theatre that night--almost. I'm so glad I didn't. As soon as the "show" started, I was mesmerized. Remember how I told you the more exaggerated I can be when I be-bop around the better? Well, the audience before me FAR out-exaggerated anything I ever did. They did it in sync with the movie on the screen, too! I need a word, one that describes the earth-shattering, mind-blowing, awestruck admiration I had as I fell in love with this movie, the music and the audience! There really were more dancing, singing weirdos in the world. I wasn't alone!!!

As I watched the movie, listened to the music and took in the audience participation all around me, only one word came to mind: "duuuuuuuuudddddde." When a strange looking ...~~man~~ ... ~~woman~~ ... ~~man dressed as a woman~~ ... oh heck, transvestite look-alike, grabbed my hips during one song, thrust me back and forth ,and sang, "But it's the pelvic thrusts that nearly drives you insa-a-ane," I was hooked!

What on earth am I talking about? Virgins, playing cards, transvestites, pelvic thrusts, the audience dressed up and participating with a movie on a big screen ... well, it could be only one thing, now couldn't it? The movie was The Rocky Horror Picture Show and I had just learned the best and most sacred dance ever, "The Time Warp".

Okay, you may begin laughing now. Me, Little Miss Die-Hard Republican, Miss Old-Fashioned-Yet-Independent, Little Miss Smarty Pants, and she dances to the Time Warp? Oh, yes ma'am and sirs, I do. Not only do I do the Time Warp, I AM one of those "whack jobs" my father warned me about. Dressed as the character Columbia (a groupie), I give one hell of a performance and I love it.

Twenty years ago this July, I went to my first Rocky Horror Picture Show. For the first show, yes, I was a "virgin" (nickname to denote a first-timer). Now I am an RHPS "slut" (nickname for RHPS Regular). I love the movie, each and every scene--even the cut ones. I love the play. I love the soundtrack, completely. But nothing, absolutely nothing, thrills me more than dressing up as Columbia (originally created and performed in the movie by Little Nell--Laura Campbell) and singing and dancing my heart out to the Time Warp

Of course, you know me; I couldn't just Time Warp only at the show itself. NO WAY. Why, that'd be sacrilege. I Time Warp anywhere, anytime. If I have been there, I have Time Warped there. The tundras of Northern Alaska? Yep, Warped. The Bronx Zoo? You betcha. In my local grocery store, at the gas pump as I filled my car, in a boat! Even in an American Airlines 747 at umpteen thousand feet. I've taught my children, my friends, my friends' children, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, firemen, EMS personnel, and even U.S. Marines to Time Warp.

In my mind, the Time Warp deserves to be more than a dance at an event. Something about it truly does "nearly drive you insane," no matter where you are. It also truly warps you back in time. During the three or so minutes of the song, we're free to act as silly and carefree and fun-loving as children, the children we were once upon a time.

How can something so "insa-a-ane" be so much fun and bring so much joy? Well, let this Joyful Girl show you. Crank it up at home and join me, won't you?

1) It's just a jump to the LEFT
2) And then a step to the RI-I-IGHT
3) With your hands on your HIPS, you bring your knees in T-I-I-GHT
4) Then it's the PELVIC THR-U-UST that nearly drives you INSA-A-A-ANE (x3)
5) HIP SWIVEL (if you're not already insa-a-a-ane)
6) LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN ...

See how simple that was? See how silly you felt? You know, I actually stood in front of this laptop dancing the Time Warp to make sure I wrote it down correctly. The song truly does warp us through time. I am writing this in the first week of July 2006. I don't know when you'll read it, but when you do, I know you'll smile, or shake your head at my insanity. But either way, time warped a little, right?

We get bogged down in this life. We all have troubles and turmoil. We all work hard at something. Relationships can lift us up, drag us down, or be pretty mundane and get dreary. So many things in life affect us each and every day and not always in the best of ways. But in all these years--twenty for me and thirty-one for The Rocky Horror Picture Show itself--I've never seen the Time Warp drag anyone down. It has a knack for moving everyone to laughter and giggles and a feeling of belonging, no matter how weird or funky you get.

I urge you, go out and get the song. Crank it up loud. Let it fill your ears with its odd musical sensations, and do the Time Warp. When you get to the squeaky, high-pitched vocals of Little Nell singing the solo, think of me. Somewhere out there the dancing dork has her Kevlar on her head like a top hat and is singing to a shocked Marine. The look on the Marine's face is priceless, and we're laughing. Because, after all ...

"Well I was walking down the street just a havin' a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing never would again"

All together now:
"Let's do the Time Warp again."

Silly, crazy, ins-a-a-a-ane, perhaps, but this Joyful Girl wishes you the very best that warped time can give you, even if it is through a crazy dance! Remember folks, time is what you make of it!

To all of the service men and women serving their countries boldly, bravely and beautifully: Carry on--you make your countries proud!