Galadriel's Glass

by Susan Griffin

I wish I knew when moments in my life were "Defining Moments." I guess most of the really important moments in our lives can be reflected upon only after they have occurred. We can certainly look forward to moments in the future, but we can't truly judge the importance of the choices we make until we can look back on them within the context of our entire lives.

For instance, my husband and I are about to move for the second time in less than a year. And while I am keeping a near-constant stream of positive thoughts going through my mind about our upcoming move and wonderful living situation and great jobs that both pay us what we are worth and fulfill our career goals, I will not know how this upcoming move will change our lives until after it has happened. That seems pretty unfair, doesn't it?

I wish we could have some "freebies" in our lives. Like during times of major decisions, we could summon someone like Galadriel in The Lord of the Rings so that she could fill her cosmic birdbath with water which would turn into a magical glass that would reveal our possible futures. Looking into Galadriel's Glass would be so great! To get just a glimpse of what might be coming up around the corner--whether it be good or bad--would save us time and effort.

But would it really?

Whatever decisions I have made in the past, they have shaped me into the person I am today. One reason that the Galadriel Glass might be a bad idea is that if we were given the instant-gratification answers about what our futures hold, we might not learn really important lessons that will help us grow into better people.

For instance, if I had known what the past eight months were going to be like beforehand, I would have resisted moving to my husband's hometown. "No," I would have protested. "That looks really difficult and painful. There is a lot of frustration and unemployment and dissatisfaction. Let's just skip that." I am all about the easy way out, so I am sure I would have vetoed the idea of moving to this small town. It has been hard here.

But the benefits are starting to present themselves to me in small ways. While I do not think I am good at living in a small town, I have learned things about myself in these last eight months that would have otherwise gone by the wayside. I find that, in a crisis, I tend to panic and cry and rant. I tend to hurt the ones I love and become paralyzed by desperation. But then (and this is largely thanks to my husband) I get up and dust myself off and try again.

Since we moved here, I have learned many simple things about myself, such as the fact that I really can't deal with living in a one-bedroom apartment with my husband and three cats. It's too small and makes it difficult for me to concentrate on writing with any regularity. So now I know that we need a bigger place to live so that we can all have our space, whether we are furry or bipedal.

I have also learned that I do not enjoy working evenings and weekends. I would also prefer a job that does not include extensive public service. I like to do data entry while listening to music. I like to sort and process books and magazines and do paperwork. I like to have someone else around who is my superior. I get stressed out when I am in charge of too much.

Ultimately this information may not be all that important to know, but I am glad I have learned these things, as simple as they are. The fact is that I found myself in a bad situation but I was finally able to reason my way out of it. Perhaps the most important lesson I have learned about myself is that I am a survivor who always tries to find the positive part of a situation. Even if the only positive thing is to get myself out of a situation.

With this in mind, my husband and I recently decided to move. After all, our daily efforts to make a life in this small town have gone dry and dead like the cotton in October. We have assessed our current options and have decided to move on. But if we hadn't at least tried to live here, we would never have this strength together. We often stayed strong for each other during our time here, and it has made our marriage better. Even though there were times we railed against one another, we continuously affirmed that we were a team and were in this together.

And I wouldn't trade that strength for anything.

So perhaps I don't want any free glances into the future after all. I do enjoy looking forward to things, so I'll just take back my wish from the beginning of this column. Right now is pretty good from where I am sitting; it's nice to imagine countless options for my future instead of being limited by whatever is in Galadriel's Glass.