What Part of "No" Don't You Understand?

by Amy Rutherford

Did you ever stop to think how much of our lives is controlled by prohibitions? One of the first words we learn as tiny little kids is "no," and our fate is sealed then and there. Right from the get-go someone is telling us what we can't do. No pinching, no fighting, no kicking, no biting, no cookies before dinner, no toys if you can't share, no TV until your room is clean, no riding the dog like a horse. No, no, no.

When I was a kid I lived for the day when I was finally a grown-up and nobody could tell me "no" anymore. The joke was on me, of course. It didn't take me long to find out that being a grown-up comes with even more admonitions about what not to do. If it's not your mom telling you that you can't keep coming home with baskets full of your dirty laundry, it's your boss saying that you can't take the weekend off to go to your third cousin's wedding and your landlord telling you not to put nails in the walls to hang up your pictures. And if you want to succeed at this game of being an adult, all you can do is grin and bear it.

Worst of all, though, is the signs. When it's your mom or your boss or your landlord saying "no," the blow is at least softened a little by the plate of homemade cookies, the paycheck, and the satisfaction of having your very own place to call home. But the signs. They're so cold and impersonal and forbidding with their "No Parking" and "No Soliciting." Everywhere I turn I'm given stern reminders: "No Smoking." "No Loitering." "No Dogs in the Park." "No Walking on the Grass." "No Cellphones." "No Skateboards." "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service."

Must they really be so strident, so negative? What's all this emphasis on the word "no"? Wouldn't the world be a nicer place if a bit of tenderness and positivity were put into the wording of these signs? Imagine, "No Dogs in the Park" could be replaced by "Let's Work Together to Keep the Park Free from Doggy Doo!" "No Skateboards" might be switched out for "Help Us Show Consideration for Foot Traffic -- Keep Your Feet on the Ground, Please." "No Smoking" could easily become "This Is a Clean-Air Zone!" A smiley-face or two wouldn't hurt, either.

What's that you say? These suggestions are too wordy, too vague and open to misinterpretation? Maybe some of them could use a bit more work. How's this, then: "Got Shoes? Got a Shirt? Get Service!"? Same amount of words, but much more welcoming. It's a win-win.

I took some of my new-and-improved signs to the city council meeting last week and brought them up as a way to help make our city a little friendlier. The council members took one look at all my hard work, and just guess what they said.

That's right.

No.

The Author

Amy Rutherford is a would-be agitator in search of a cause.