My Mother's Secret

by Richelle Gratton

It was a normal morning for any first-year college student. I was a little groggy and dehydrated, but had to be up early to meet my mom and aunt for a visit. While getting ready, I talked and laughed with my roommate about the previous night's adventures, and wasn't surprised when my habitually early visitors dropped in before the appointed time. I met them at their car and and together we trudged through the unplowed, snow-covered parking lot of my residence hall. The moment we walked into my room, my mother shut the door firmly and my aunt took a tight grip on my arm. They both watched me with melancholy eyes, and I instantly knew something was wrong.

My mother pulled a picture out of her amazing black leather purse--the bag that holds anything and everything in its confines. She then told me that she had gotten pregnant when she was just eighteen years old and had given the baby up for adoption.

In reaction to my aunt's tears, I began crying tears of my own. I was happy for my mother, but I was also confused. In those moments I had no idea what was happening. I had been an only child and suddenly I had a sister. I asked to see the picture and stood staring for a long while at a stranger's face. My sister. She looks just like my mother. I do not. My mother had never told a soul about the baby she had given up. Not her best friend, not her father, not even her husband. She had kept this secret since before I was born. Until now.

My mother told me that Mary* had recently found our family. She explained that she didn't see herself as Mary's mother--she was just the woman who had given her up for adoption. Mary's adoptive family had always encouraged her to find her birth mother, but when she began having some health problems the curiosity became necessity. She had finally sought out my mother to find out about her medical history.

I know that by giving me these details my mother was letting me know that I wasn't going to be replaced, but that was unnecessary. That thought had never entered my mind. At that moment, my only thoughts were how brave my mother was and how happy I was that she could finally stop keeping Mary a secret. It must have been such a relief for her. I could never keep such a big secret for so long. My mother had lived for twenty-seven years as a loving, compassionate woman and mother, wondering all the while about the baby she had given up. Where was she? Did she have a loving family? Was she happy?

After I had something of a chance to absorb the news that snowy morning in my dorm room, my mother, my aunt and I were able to sit down and laugh a bit. My family can always laugh. I love that. I teased my mother a little and said that her having been a very protective mother made a lot more sense to me now. She asked me if I wanted to meet Mary, and when I said of course, she dropped the next bombshell.

"Well, she's waiting down the street at the restaurant." By that time I wasn't shocked anymore, but I was scared. I hadn't properly digested the news of a sudden sister, and now I had to meet her. Questions raced through my head. What if she doesn't like me? What if I don't like her? Does it even matter? Is it possible that we could be alike?

Some people think that my mother chose an unfair way to reveal her big secret to me, but I can't imagine it happening any other way. If I hadn't been able to meet Mary that day, the situation would have been even more confusing for me. It was a lot to take in, but I'm glad I didn't have to wait and wonder about her for months after finding out about her. In my memory, that day still seems like a story, the kind you might read in Reader's Digest, but it was my reality.

My philosophy is never to judge anyone, because you never know what he or she has been through in life. The statement "everyone has a story" is self-evident. We should respect this fact and try to understand that even though we are all very different, we are also very alike in the way we grow and rebuild after life's hardships. We have amazing strength inside of us to heal wounds and find happiness in times when we fear there is no hope. Since that winter morning when my mother told me her big secret, my family has been transformed. We have gained more respect and understanding for one another.

We have accepted Mary and her husband, and now their newborn son, into our lives, and they bring us an abundance of joy. I hope she is equally happy to have found us.

*not her real name