Divorcing Max Factor for the Man of My Dreams

by Marie Lundgren

As a child I was fascinated by make-up. I wasn't allowed to wear it and the mystery is what drew me in. I would watch my mother apply it and wonder at the miracle of it all. The shimmery powders, creamy foundations, and glossy lipsticks. I wanted it all!

By the time I was twelve my mom relented a bit and I was allowed a light eye shadow and lip gloss. Each year I was allowed to wear a little more. I pored over fashion magazines for every make-up tip they could offer me. I spent all my allowance on eyeliners and lipsticks. Glossy, matte, fresh, dewy, sparkly; something for every occasion.

I concluded early that beauty came from the make-up counter. A bare face meant you were a "plain Jane," and I certainly didn't want to be that! So every day I made up my face according to the latest trends and styled my hair just so. My aunt always told me, "If you look good you'll feel good," and, of course, in my mind the only way to look good was with a little help from the magical make-up.

Marie without make-up.

I grew up in southern Oregon where the summer temperatures are over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. As the mascara smudged down my sweaty cheeks and the eye shadow creased into a solid line on my eyelids, the thought never crossed my mind to go without make-up. I just kept looking for a better brand, one that could withstand the heat and sweat.

During college bright red lipstick became a trademark of sorts for me. My motto was: Lipstick and earrings--Don't leave home without them, borrowed a bit from the American Express commercial at the time. I had terrible acne during that time and my solution was to wear more foundation. My entire thought was to cover it up so others wouldn't have to cringe when they looked at me. I was insecure and the make-up gave me confidence. If I woke up too late to apply it I would be miserable and embarrassed the entire day.

Fast forward ten years. After many life experiences I ended up living in Sweden with a lovely boyfriend. I would wake up every day and rush into the bathroom to apply my make-up. I didn't want to give him too much of a chance to see me without it. I didn't want him to know how ugly I really was. As pathetic as that sounds, and as much as I don't want to admit it, that truly was how I felt at the time.

One day I had spent an excessive amount of time applying my make-up and fixing my hair for some kind of special event. I walked out proudly and asked, "How do I look?" I was expecting him to say I looked great, or beautiful, or even fine, but what he said was, "You look okay, but I like you better without make-up and all that." I was completely shocked. Was this guy nuts? How could he possibly think I looked okay without make-up? I didn't know what to think, but my first reaction was just to be mad at him.

Over the next few months I did a lot of thinking about make-up and why I wore it. I realized how sad it was that I couldn't see my own natural beauty, that I had to rely on products to feel good about myself. So I decided to change things. I stopped wearing make-up, just like that. It wasn't easy, the first trip I made into town bare-faced was a painful experience. I felt like everyone was judging me and thinking to themselves, That poor girl, if only she'd use a little make-up she'd look so much better. In spite of those internal thoughts I persevered in my quest to break free of the lipstick addiction and love myself.

Today I hardly ever wear make-up and I'm so glad. I sleep later in the mornings and don't have to worry about having time to apply all the different layers of creams and powders. I don't have to check my face in every mirror I pass to make sure my mascara hasn't smudged. But most of all I'm happy that I can look at my naked face and think that I'm actually quite attractive. I do still wear make-up from time to time but it always happens that I can't wait to get home and wash it off because the feel of it drives me crazy. I'm now married to the man who loved my bare face and ponytail hair-do. It took his honesty and sincerity to make me re-evaluate my priorities and ultimately to accept my natural beauty.