Toys These Days

by Chris McDonough

My Inner Child is in a terrible snit. I have failed to find her toys to play with. It was supposed to be so simple, armed with the credit cards of an adult, to buy toys that the Inner Child either loved or never had. Alas, the shoddy methods of modern toymakers have betrayed us.

For example, they don't make hula-hoops like they used to. I tried one just the other day and it didn't hula - it just fell down. Not a bit of twirl in that hula-hoop, I can tell you. That's what's wrong with toys these days. Manufacturers don't pay attention to quality. In 1956, they were putting out hula-hoops that would twirl around my waist for hours. Some of my friends got them going around their knees, the show-offs. Today, what do you get from a hula-hoop? Do you get twirl, twirl, twirl? Nope. Without even so much as a token twirl, the hula-hoop thuds to the ground. If only I could have the hula-hoop I had when I was six years old.

Skipping ropes are another example of diminished standards for toys. Today's skipping ropes don't turn properly. On the downswing, where the skipping rope should continue gracefully into the upswing, it gets snagged between my feet. Skipping ropes used to be made better than that. The same is true of the longer skipping ropes. We used to play One-and-Out or Double-Dutch--or even better, both combined. We ran like the wind to get around for our next turn, keeping the beat by singing, "all in together, this fine weather." I can still sing, but the skipping rope gets tangled in my legs or, in the case of Double-Dutch, around my neck. They just don't make skipping ropes like they used to.

Roller-skates also come to mind. I could have roller-skated all the way to China if Mom had let me. What are these new "in-line" skates, anyway? A proper roller-skate--ah, you are too young to remember. Let me describe it this way. You know those little racing sports cars with their four wheels sticking out to the sides? Clamp one of those onto each of your sneakers. Now tighten the clamps with a skate key. The whole contraption was made of steel and made a wonderfully raucous noise on the sidewalk. Isn't it odd that children lose everything except their skate key? Maybe that's because Mom tied mine on a long string around my neck. At any rate, those are proper roller-skates. They don't make them any more.

Modern children seem to enjoy the toys available these days. They don't know any better, the poor things, which I suppose is just as well. Myself, I will continue to scrounge flea markets and garage sales, seeking real toys for my Inner Child.

The Author

Chris McDonough lives in a small apartment with a poodle named Buddy. She is surviving menopause in spite of modern medicine. Recently, Chris overcame her fear of wearing Tender Tootsies in public. She is currently deciding whether to go platinum blonde or just to buy another scarf. You can visit her at her website.