Fuzzy Memories

by Julie Miller

What is nostalgia? Webster's defines it as "a bittersweet longing for persons, things, or situations of the past." If you go right to its roots (Greek, of course), it's a pain. In fact the word applies to a medical condition: "a severe and sometimes fatal form of melancholia, due to homesickness." That's some serious homesickness.

There's a great old Carly Simon song called "Anticipation," in which she says, "these are the good old days." She's right. These are the good old days - and the bad old days. Just like those days that people get so nostalgic for all the time. We humans like to generalize and clump things into broad categories. That was a good year. That was a bad week. But if you are realistic about any given week or year, you must admit that even if you had several particularly bad blows over the course of a few days or months, there were good things in between - even if they were only small good things by comparison. The opposite applies, as well, of course.

I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse, but for some reason, I don't tend to feel too much nostalgia for days gone by. It's not that I look back at a string of unhappy memories and relish being past them. In fact, I think my life has been fairly balanced overall. Instead, I believe it's that I don't see the past through fuzzy memories.

Now when I say "fuzzy memories," I'm not talking about "warm and." I'm talking about the opposite of sharp. You know how movies and TV shows like to portray flashbacks with a sort of soft-around-the-edges quality? That's the kind of fuzzy I mean. A lot of people seem to get those soft-around-the-edges memories when they think about childhood or high school or university days. Or, for those of us who have older children, even the days when the kiddies were babies. Now please.

Naturally, all those periods of time have at least some true happy memories attached. They might even have mostly happy memories for the very fortunate. But there has to have been some unpleasantness in there somewhere, as well. A broken bone? Stitches? Appendicitis? Fights with siblings. Temper tantrums. Homework, exams, bad dates, no dates, irritating teachers. Diapers, lack of sleep, colic. No period of time in a life can be all rosy.

I know what you're saying - "what a grouch!" I say au contraire. What I am is a person who is realistic about the past. It's full of wonderful moments and horrible moments, exciting moments, miserable moments, excruciatingly boring moments, and random forgettable moments. It's hard for me to understand people who denigrate the present in favor of the past. You know the type - "when I was a kid." or "Christmas at my mom's house." It was always better in some earlier mythic time.

It's good to reminisce from time to time and pass along happy memories to children and friends. But to pine for days that never really were the way a fuzzy memory paints them is silly. Embrace the present and hope for the future. These are the good old days.