Role Models: What You Can Do

by Carrie Pålsson

When I was a kid I would always tell people I didn't believe in heroes. I don't know why I was so cynical at a young age, but it was true. Superman simply didn't impress me. I was a girly girl who wouldn't dream of watching a sports game, much less idolizing someone who just happened to be able to run really fast and hit a ball really far. I loved the Bionic Woman, but I knew it was just a television show. I simply didn't have any heroes.

Good role models were also hard for me to come by. I love my mother and think she's a great woman, but she never lived the kind of life I wanted to live. She was trapped with an overbearing, alcoholic husband and two children. She would always tell me that I should avoid men for my own happiness. I saw that she was miserable and it was very confusing for me. It still is confusing, though I do understand the financial worries that kept her tied to my father until both of her daughters were out on their own.

I looked around and I didn't see many people that I cared to emulate. Who needs a hero? Not me, I'd tell myself. I was sure I could rely on myself. I inwardly scoffed at people who would get a glassy eyed look in their eye as they talked about the person they looked up to.

Nope, no heroes for me. They were relegated to the stuff of legends and epics.

Then I grew up and became a teacher. I saw children who lived horrific lives. I watched teenagers throw away all their potential because they didn't have anyone at home to guide them or give them love and comfort. I quickly realized that no amount of heroics was going to save all these children. Instead, a few loving, caring role models might possibly make a small difference in their lives.

That's when I realized that I needed to turn myself into the kind of person other people can be inspired by. I don't want to be a hero. I don't want any recognition. I just want to help people understand that life can be better.

I work with children in a school with an 82% poverty rate. Many of the kids are living with foster parents or grandparents. Very few of them have a normal family life. I'm supposed to teach these kids reading and math and do some playground duty. The academics are important, but I know they won't remember who taught them the difference between a main character and a supporting character or how to borrow when they subtract. I consider my most important lessons to be those that take place on teh playground. I try to teach them kindness, compassion, and perseverance. Just talking about these concepts doesn't do a lot of good. The kids don't listen, they observe. I try to live my life in a healthy, strong manner so that these children of poverty and neglect can have at least one more positive role model in their lives. I talk about my excercise program with them. I show kindness to the kids that no one likes. I make an effort to remember their little stories they tell me and to ask about birthday parties and pets. It is almost embarassing to write about this. I'm not telling you this so you'll think I'm a great person. I'm telling you this so you can look around at the children in your life and see if there's anything postive you can give them.

I would encourage every single one of you to think about the children you know and what you may be teaching them with your actions. Not a parent or teacher? That doesn't mean you're off the hook. Do you have nieces and nephews? Are there children in your neighborhood? Children glean the strangest things from the least likely sources. When I was a kid we had a neighbor on one side who was a surly little lady who would spray her garden hose at us if we came too near her fence. We didn't learn much from her. On the other side, we had a sweet old woman who loved crafts and children with equal fervor. We spent many an hour in her home, participating in special craft projects she would do just for us. I'm not saying you need to make your home a big summer-camp craft fest, but a simple act of kindness may go farther in a kid's memory than you believe possible.

If you have more time or money than I do, there are many other ways to become involved as a role model in your community. A little research should turn up something that fits your needs and makes the world a little brighter. These are my personal favorites:

• Mentoring programs. For those of us with the time (which I know is hard to come by), mentoring a child can be the best thing you ever do for both yourself and the child you mentor. There are the traditional programs such as Big Brother Big Sister, but there are also many local groups that would love to match you up with a child in need. Think it sounds like a good idea, but you have no idea what to do with a kid for a few hours at a time? The kids I've seen in this program are hungry for any sort of attention. A day in the park followed by an ice cream cone is something a lot of these children would love to experience. Of course you could also do crafts (search for kid's crafts on the Internet and you'll find enough ideas to last you three lifetimes), go to the zoo, take in a movie, play a game of baseball . . . the possibilities are endless. If you don't know how to find such a program, call United Way or your local school district. They should be happy to point you in the right direction.
• As a book lover, one of my favorite organizations is S.M.A.R.T, Start Making a Reader Today. Volunteers spend an hour a week at a local elementary school reading with children. It's a wonderfully simple premise that helps children learn to love reading and also gives them contact with an additional positive role model. As far as I can tell the SMART program is only in Oregon, but you can check with your local school district to see if they have any similar programs.
• Operation School Bell is a very important program in the lives of many poverty stricken families. OSB supplies clothing to children in need. Each school refers children to the program and the program then gives the children clothes, shoes, backpacks, toys, socks, and underwear. The amount may vary by city. This isn't exactly a program that children will see you working in, especially since donations are usually the best method of support (though many cities do need volunteers to help keep their supplies organized), but it is a very, very important program. If I could donate to only one charity organization in the world, this would be it.
• Quilting and knitting charities. Many, many places take quilts and knitted goods for newborns, children, or the homeless. Quilting may seem difficult, but if you have a sewing machine you can easily make a patchwork quilt or two. Knitting and crocheting requires more expertise, but once you start you may find yourself addicted. I've found that the children I know are very, very curious about these crafts and want to learn how to do it themselves. Teaching a child a craft, then donating the results to a charity is a great way to show a child how to care for others.