I Walk the Line

One of the things I hate about being a woman--perhaps the only thing I hate about being a woman--is how we spend so much energy on our appearance, particularly on our weight. Sometimes I wonder how we got so size-oriented. I wonder why we bother putting so much of ourselves into worrying about how big or small, or firm or flabby our bodies are. In any case, I think we all are concerned about our appearance to a point. I know I am.

Normally, I'd say no more on this subject. One thing I have learned over the years is that discussing weight, its losses or gains, with women is a very fine line indeed. But this is the "Fine Line" issue of Mosaic Minds, so I think this once, I will walk it.

I am four feet eleven inches tall. I weigh, at this writing, 84 lbs. If you were to look back through a photo album of my life you'd find no picture of me heavy or overweight--ever. Not even when I was pregnant with twins. I do not follow any health regime or diet tailored to keep me slender. I never go to the gym.

I have naturally red, curly, long hair. My complexion is clear as a whistle and always has been. My eyes are a wild green-gold color. My teeth were perfect from the time they grew in and I never needed braces. I have truly never spent a day in my life attempting to lose a single pound or to shape my body into the anorexic styling of today's fashion models. I didn't have to; my body is already shaped that way. For the purposes of this article, I will admit I am what most would say: a pretty girl.

In today's media we hear about the obesity epidemic nearly daily. You can't watch TV or read a magazine without spotting some advertisement for a product or service that will aid in dropping that unwanted fat. Weight loss programs, machines, videotapes, DVDs, and self-help books have flooded the market. Plus size clothing is no longer hidden away in a deep corner of a store. It is now as easily accessible as any other item sold.

It didn't used to be that way. Years ago anyone who was overweight faced blatant prejudices and cruelties that no one should have to face. Years ago being overweight was something so horrid our parents didn't even call it "overweight," they called it being "husky." I am not overweight. I don't know how many awful prejudices still exist for heavy-set people, but society has changed. I do know that now being overweight is something you can talk about, and it never used to be that way.

Talking about your weight is no longer a sin--unless you're skinny.

As I said above, I weigh only 84 pounds. According today's standards for height and weight, I am underweight. Generally, if I do attempt to discuss my weight, no one has sympathy for my plight. After all, I have that tiny little body that can fit into those sexy, hip-hugging jeans, so what could be so bad?

I'd venture to say that right now some readers are already thumbing their noses at my words. You see, there is a silent, and growing, new prejudice in our world. It's the one overweight people can have against those of us who aren't overweight. In my country, the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control, over 60 million Americans age 20 and over are obese. That is 30% of my fellow citizens. I could not find a number for those of us who are at a healthy weight, or underweight. I looked. Even my own CDC doesn't think I rate enough to be a statistic.

People who are battling their weight often tell me I can't understand what it is like. I agree with them, I can't. I've never been overweight and chances are I never will be. But every day I watch what I eat in an effort to keep weight on my body. Just like many obese people, I count calories; I try to maintain a healthy diet from all the food groups. I weigh myself and get disgusted because my weight is not where I think it should be.

Just like many overweight people, finding clothing that fits is a struggle. Please don't balk at the idea. Recently I needed jeans. I couldn't wear anything from women's or misses' sizes or. I ended up buying size 12 girls' jeans. I was humiliated. Here I am a grown woman and I couldn't buy women's clothing. An overweight lady I know looked at me when I lamented this and said, "Awww, I should have it so bad." No, dear lady, I pray you never do. No one should have to be humiliated because of the size of their body, ever.

It's not a line people willingly talk about, being skinny versus being overweight. It is hard to talk about because inside all of the various body sizes on this earth are hearts. Hearts that can be hurt and shamed and humiliated just because their body doesn't fit into someone else's idea of "okay."

In my life I have never discriminated against an overweight person. I hope I never will. But I guess the line I walk isn't like that of an overweight person's. I guess having the "pretty" body means I don't get hurt when I am snubbed by others. I guess it means I don't see it when a group of overweight women call me a hootchie because I can wear the jeans they work to try and wear. I guess it means that because my body is what they see as "okay," I am immune to the prejudices people face regarding their appearance.

If they only knew; I walk the line, too.