Some Consciences Are Not That Clear in Las Vegas

by Songül Arslan

No matter where you live, I don't think there are many who haven't heard of Las Vegas. As soon as I say the name aloud, my eyes start to flash, my cheeks start to blush and my slot-machine arm starts twitching. I've been to Las Vegas, you see, but luckily, I left in time.

It was the summer of 2000 when we decided to drive up to Sin City. The sun was almost setting and I had begun to wonder if we had taken a wrong road that led us out into the desert, when suddenly an oasis of light appeared before us, so bright and mesmerizing that my mouth fell open. So this is it, I thought. Nice, very nice. A thought flashed through my head that though we'd decided to stay only a night or two, it would not be enough.

We checked into a motel close to the giant hotels because we had discovered that though the massive themed hotels seemed quite distinct from the outside, they were all the same on the inside: slot machines as far as the eye could see and every casino game imaginable, all in almost the same order. The people behind the machines and games seemed all the same as well, either old and worn-out, spending the pensions that they had so diligently saved for, or young and sweaty, trying to make their big hit. In between were a few other people like me, people who had sworn never to gamble.

Regardless of solemn vows, however, there is something that this city does to you. It might be the flashing lights, the sounds of the machines, or the overall electricity of the atmosphere, but sooner or later you are bound to try, even if you have sworn it is the last thing you would ever do. Maybe not the first day, and perhaps not even the second, but after you have stayed for more than three days you are hooked.

It was not at all our plan to stay in Vegas as long as we did. After all, what else besides casinos was there to see? We had planned two days to look around, but wound up staying a whole week. I can't explain it rationally, but my mind had been temporarily paralyzed. To this day many things we did there are nothing but a big blur. Somehow Vegas got into my blood and after a couple of days I was no longer able just to walk past the machines and the gaming tables. By the fourth day I found myself sitting in front of a coin game. A bunch of coins were layered on top of each other and you had to shove them to the side or to the front so the coins would fall off and then they would be yours. How simple was that? Well, actually, not that simple at all, but because coins are not big money I thought I could just start with one and use my guaranteed winnings to continue. The first time I tried, I won a few coins. Yes! I knew I would win. Buoyed by my lucky start, I kept playing.

Time flew as I played, and I had no idea I had been playing for a few hours until my boyfriend had to drag me away for dinner.

I was hooked on this game and I knew it. As we ate, all I saw in front of my eyes were shiny, glimmering, silvery coins and I felt feverish and dizzy at being separated from my machine. Over the next couple of days I tried again and it was a constant cycle of winning a few and losing a few. One evening as we walked to a restaurant we met a man in a suit who asked us a question.

"Do you have some change?"

Curious, I eyed him from head to toe. His suit was immaculate and definitely from one of the expensive tailor houses; his shoes were shining and his hair seemed orderly as well, yet there was something strange about him: it was his eyes. They were like two fluttering, nervous birds that signalled me that something was wrong.

"Actually, I won't be able to give you any money right away," he added and we were startled.

"Why not?" I asked.

"I, ehm, I left my money in my car and I can't find my key. If you give me some change then I can win some money in the casino and take a bus home and fetch my spare key and then I can give you the money back." Even though I was dazed by Las Vegas myself and maybe temporarily insane, I didn't buy his story.

It turned out that this man, a quite successful and intelligent businessman, had come to Las Vegas on a business trip. The gambling bug had bitten him, too, and he had already lost his car. It was only a matter of time before he would lose his suit. Suddenly it hit me that I had to get out of there. It was still not too late for me. Even if I had lost only twenty dollars, it was already too big a loss.

The next day we packed and left the city, but the city never left a secret corner of my mind. As I learned, you can be strongly convinced that you will try, and then that you won't try and then maybe that you'll try a little, but in the end you don't decide, Sin City decides for you.