Tracy Bohannon Opens Her Heart and Home

by Carrie Pålsson

For the past six years Tracy Bohannon and her husband, Billy, have opened their home to over 25 children in need of a loving family. Some of the children were just "weekenders," kids who were removed from their homes and had to wait for social services to contact a responsible relative on Monday morning. Others have had a longer stay in the Bohannon household, benefiting from all the motherly love that mama-bear Tracy has to share.

Tracy and her family are among the unsung heroes of America, the families selflessly helping children who don't have anyone else to help them. They open their homes for a few hours or a lifetime and provide love to children who may never have known the tender caress of a mother. They provide stability to children who have been shuffled from family member to family member. They provide security to children who have spent years living in fear.

As I'm sure you've guessed by now, Tracy is a foster mother. Tracy always knew she loved children and wanted to fill her life with little ones, but an extremely difficult and life-threatening pregnancy (with eldest son Matthew) convinced her that she should never try to give birth again.

Luckily for the children in her county, she and her husband made the decision to become foster parents. It would be extremely inaccurate to say they became foster parents just so they could have babies--the job is a heart-wrenching one. As Tracy told me, "The hardest part, by far, is saying goodbye. I hate that so much! Even when it's a good thing they're going to, it's just hard, and every time I say goodbye, I swear I won't ever take another child, because it hurts so much. However, we have yet to refuse a child when we have a spot open!"

So why does she continue to her open heart and home to these children whom she will most likely have to say good-bye to in the near or distant future? I know some people think foster parents are in it for the money, and that's a complete laugh. It's true that foster parents receive some money, but it is just enough to cover the costs of each child in the house--children are expensive. Food, clothing, medicines, and other essentials all add up.

Other people, especially those who have had their own children taken away and put in foster care, believe that foster parents are baby-greedy and are willing to do anything to add a cute, pudgy face to their own families even if it means breaking up a home. Again, this is so completely untrue that it boggles the mind that anyone can believe it. As Tracy explains, "A lot of times, bio parents see the foster parents as the 'bad guys.' They forget that we are not the reason their children are in foster care."

Tracy explains the real reason she got involved with fostering: "I think it's important for everyone to remember that the majority of foster parents get into this because they really love and want to make the difference in the life of a child, not because we want a baby (older child, teenager, etc.) so badly that we're willing to break up someone's home life to get it! Honestly, as much as I love each and every one of my babies, it really would be a blessing to suddenly be out of a 'job' because parents the world over suddenly figured out this whole loving and caring for your child thing."

After six years of caring for other people's children, Tracy's experiences have run the gamut. It is not typical for foster parents to have any contact with the biological parents, but Tracy has had a few positive and negative experiences in this regard. One parent, a young mother who seemed completely incapable of ever caring for a child, turned her life completely around. "It took her a year and a half, but she did it. Most of the time, you don't get to find out what happened, unless the bio parents choose to stay in touch, which does happen sometimes. In the case of Nathan, we ran into him and his mother once at a local fair, which was a wonderful surprise, and he was doing great and looked well cared for, and then at a later date, his mother did call us out of the blue to thank us for loving her baby while we had him, and to tell us that he was a happy, well-adjusted little boy, and she thought a lot of that had to do with the way we loved him. That meant a lot. It's not often that the parents want to thank the foster parents!"

Of course, not every situation has such a happy ending. Currently Tracy and her family are fighting to keep one of their little boys, a four-year-old named Jason who has been with the family since he was born. Tracy tried very hard to incorporate his mother, Tina, into his life. She wanted to see another success story. But then Tina returned to her drug-addled lifestyle and forgot all about her son. "As far as Tina is concerned, well, it was good when Tina made the effort to stay clean. She and her girlfriend spent holidays with us, came over for birthday parties, the whole nine yards. And then they relapsed, and it has never been, and never will be, the same. I don't trust them anymore. I have a lot of anger towards them that they've allowed Jason to linger in foster care for his whole life--four years!! It's scary to think of what might happen now. When they were clean, it really did seem to be for the best for him to go home to them (by 'them' I mean Tina and her girlfriend, by the way) because they loved him, they were good to him, but not now. Now it's completely changed, and they have seriously made me question whether I will ever get involved with another bio parent ever again. Because it's a risk, you know?"

At the moment things are looking good for Tracy's little family. In the past year they were able to adopt Jessica, a wonderful little girl who had been with them since she was two days old. They are also planning on adopting two more of their foster children, Paul and Jason, assuming things work out with the bureaucracy.

And of course, there is plenty of bureaucracy involved in the fostering life. Appointments must be kept for social services, family visits, therapists and so on and so forth. Many of the children foster care have developmental delays because their mothers didn't care for them in the womb any more than they cared for them once they came into the world. It's hard to watch perfectly innocent young children struggle because their mothers didn't care enough to lay off the intoxicants, but Tracy is there to taxi her children to the specialists who can help them catch up with their peers.

Being a foster parent is one of the toughest jobs I can think of. It's rewarding and loving, especially if you are working with babies, but there's no denying that the demands are incredibly intense emotionally, physically and financially. If you have any plans to get into the care of children who so desperately need a stable home, Tracy knows the two simple things that you simply must have: "I'd say lots and lots of love. And thick skin, though I seem to be pretty bad at the thick skin part!"