Bringing Up Baby
I've been in a fiction dry streak the past several months thanks to the impending birth of my son. Instead of immersing myself in stories of horror and gore a la Dean Koontz, I've been immersing myself in stories of horror and gore a la labor and delivery, bleeding nipples, and sleepless nights. I've never been around a baby before, but I've always been a reader. It seems only natural that I'd turn to my local bookstore in an attempt to answer that age old question: Just what am I supposed to do with this impending life form?
I've found the world of baby books to be brutal. If you put your baby in a crib, you're scarring him for life. It's a cold, dark cage! If you co-sleep you are being manipulated and will most likely squish your baby to death. Barbaric! If you feed on demand you are spoiling your little two-week old bundle of joy. If you don't feed on demand you are seriously endangering your child's health*. Yikes! The conflicting advice is enough to make a new mother take up book burning as a hobby.
Out of the quagmire of relentless, conflicting information, I've only found two books that I've enjoyed and would recommend to others.
Your Baby and Child: From Birth to Age Five by Penelope Leach seems to be the most sensible, readable book on the market. Leach is an expert psychologist, specializing in child development. She knows her business and knows it well. She gives practical, efficient advice in an easy to read manner. Instead of just dishing out advice and expecting parents to heed it, she takes the time to give readers the why behind her information. Her philosophy is very flexible and recognizes that all children (and their families) have different needs. Instead of judging parents for not doing things the way she would do them, she gives parents advice on several different ways of care for their children. Once I read this book, I kissed the cover and threw out all the others. I haven't been baby book shopping since. Some people have said it's a baby book for thinking parents, and I suppose that's true. I like to have options explained to me so I can decide their merits for myself. I don't enjoy books that just say "do this" and expect me to do it.
The other baby book that I couldn't live without doesn't tell how to take care of a baby--instead it gives advice on what to name the newcomer. I hate all the books that are just 50,000 names in alphabetical order. They're about as exciting as the phone book, and less useful. The Baby Name Wizard by Laura Wattenberg is much more than a boring list. Wattenberg has done detailed studies on thousands of names, bringing prospective parents all sorts of information that other books simply don't offer. Each name includes a "snapshot," including its popularity ranking, the history of the name, and potential pitfalls for the name. Each name has also been computer matched with a few "sibling names." The sibling names are basically of the "if you like this, you'll probably like that" variety, and I found it to be true. When I'd look up a name I liked, I'd usually find at least one of my other short-listed names listed on the sibling list. The alphabetical listing of names is just the start of the book. There are also several lists of names that have been divided into specific style categories. You like old west names? There's a list. Soap opera names? Just find the list. Short names, long names, Irish names, . . . well, the lists go on and on. The book book is complimented by a fun website that shows name rankings in the USA from the 1880's to 2004 . You can check it out at The Baby Name Wizard.
So what about the books I didn't like? There's too many to name them all and I didn't finish reading most of them, so it wouldn't be fair to try to review them. I will say that I didn't like the ever-popular What to Expect When You're Expecting at all. It is chock full of information, gaining it major points; however, despite being updated recently it just doesn't seem to be written for women living in the real world. I don't plan on bring my nylons and lipstick to my birth. Does that make me a lazy slob? Also, I am an overweight woman and this book seemed to have a real prejudice against heavyset ladies. I know health and nutrition is a very important part of pregnancy, but this book rubbed me the wrong way when discussing the matter.
*Seriously, there have been warnings put out by the American Academy of Pediatrics against books that promote a rigid feeding schedule for newborns. These schedules are dangerous and can cause failure to thrive. From what I've gleaned from my reading, you should feed on demand until your baby is at least four months old. This is something you should be discussing with your baby's doctor. Taking advice from the neurotic mother-to-be who likes to read is not recommended.