Relativity
Despite a high school love for science, I have never figured out what Einstein's famous theory of relativity entails. Maybe that's because I dropped out of physics. I asked my rocket scientist husband to explain it to me, and was able to follow the first sentence of his explanation, "everything depends on your frame of reference." Then he started talking about spaceships and time and my head started swimming and I stopped listening.
In my experience, I need to know about relativity only as it concerns frames of reference. I've often made the unoriginal quip that there's three sides to every story: your side, my side and the truth. Most of my theories about human behavior, including my theory of "relativity" were formed during my years as a teacher. I was an impartial observer in a world of high drama. As a well-liked teacher, I was often called on to mediate disputes between students. There were girl problems, boy problems, parent problems and best friend problems. At first I was ready to be righteously indignant on behalf of the wronged party, but I quickly learned that there was rarely a single wronged party. Every problem was relative. Jason didn't ask Sarah to the prom, but Sarah told him not to because she was too embarrassed to admit she'd really like to go. She was hurt because he didn't ask anyway. He was hurt that she didn't want to go with him. Their problem was one of failed communication. As in most cases, the "truth" was relative depending on perspective.
One of my favorite books of all time, To Kill a Mockingbird, explores this idea in depth. The word relativity is never mentioned, but the characters are often admonished to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. When I read this book for the first time as a teenager this was an incomprehensible idea. I didn't take it as literally as some of my peers and ask the teacher how I could get a pair of someone else's shoes, but I really didn't see the point in thinking about other people's situations before reacting to their actions. Weren't their actions proof of their feelings?
Thankfully I grew up and am able to do a pretty good job of putting myself into the shoes of others. I try to examine all sides of an issue before forming an opinion. The world has slowly shifted from black and white, to blurry shades of gray. I've figured out how to ask myself what I've contributed to a situation and how others must feel under the circumstances. The more I am able to examine everyone's motivations and backgrounds, the more I am able to save myself from negative feelings. I may not be any closer to finding "absolute truth," but I hope I'm a step closer to finding peace with my fellow man.
In this issue of Mosaic Minds you'll find many articles that deal with relativity within family situations. Is there anyone in the world who challenges us to look beyond our own feelings more than the members of our own families? To live in happiness and harmony in our everyday lives we must learn to understand the frames of reference used by our spouses, siblings, and parents.