Never Say Never

by Carrie Pålsson

Clichés become clichés because they contain truth. Birds of a feather flock together--just join a playgroup and you'll discover how true that is. Don't count your chickens before they hatch--how many times have you had set-in-stone plans fall through? Be careful what you wish for--we've all learned that lesson the hard way, haven't we?

Never say never is one of the clichés I heed the most. I think I like it because it encourages an open mind and the possibility for profound change. I don't think "always say never" would catch on. Why would we encourage someone to limit her potential experiences? The person who says "never" when she comes up against something she doesn't think is possible is just asking for a situation that requires a re-evaluation of her whole belief system.

When I was young and sure of myself it was easy to be a speaker of nevers. I'll never tell my kids they can't have a cookie when they want one. I'll never get a job with a boss who doesn't respect my immense skills and talent. I'll never live in a house without a dishwasher. I'll never date a man who is shorter than me.

I remember the girl who was so sure of herself and laugh hysterically. I've done all those things and am sure as I grow older I will break even more of my "never" vows.

When I was a student-teacher lo these many years ago, I hated my mentor teacher. I swore I would never treat my students the way he treated the kids in our classes. We were watching a movie one week and every day at least one student would ask if we were going to finish the movie. My mentor teacher would roll his eyes and answer with words of acid, "no, I like to start movies and not finish them."

I couldn't understand why it was impossible for him to say "yes." It would have been kinder and less humiliating for the students. Was common decency really so hard for this horrid little man?

Five years later I was showing a movie in my classroom. Every day a student would ask "are we going to finish the movie?" And I caught myself answering with just as much acidic sarcasm as my mentor had used, "no, I never finish movies I start."

I clapped my hand over my mouth and apologized to the student for being so sarcastic. The student just gave me a dead-eyed stare and went on his merry way. I agonized over losing my compassion, a trait I believed was necessary for teachers.

I should never have said never. Maybe karma wouldn't have come and bitten my smug young self in the ass.

I know we've all said "never," only to have our sincere proclamation become downright silly as we've grown older and become more experienced in the ways of the world. Young adults typically see things in black and white. As we age, things usually become subtle shades of gray, making it much easier to see the possibilities before us. Things we never would have considered in the past become our standards of living. Now we know that we should never say never because we know that the future is uncertain.

We also know we should never say never because karma will have her way with us.

The contributors and staff of Mosaic Minds have shared several stories about shifts they've gone through in their lives. Religion, health, raising kids, fashion . . . there are so many things that we've said "never" to, yet we are happier now that we've opened ourselves up to possibilities we couldn't foresee and allowed ourselves to grow and change.