Perfect Match

by Jennifer Brenner

Of all the people in the world, my husband is the one I can call my kindred spirit. It took me a while to find him, and I hit a few bumps along the way to get to him, but once I had him I realized he was well worth the wait.

When I was younger, I dated men I thought I could change, and eventually I married one of them. There were a few things I didn't like about him but I kept telling myself if we got married, he'd change; if I moved him away from his friends, he'd change; if we bought a house, he'd change; if we had a baby, he'd change. We did all of that and guess what? All the things I disliked about him never changed!

After I divorced him when my daughter was three, I decided I would never marry again unless I could find a kindred spirit; it wasn't worth the heartache just to be in a relationship.

In 1998 I met my current husband. It seemed a bit quick, but I KNEW he was my kindred spirit and he knew I was his. We like all of the same things. I am the female version of him and he is the male version of me. I can't think of a thing I like that he doesn't or vice versa. I mean, I don't get into playing hours of Xbox online, but I don't care if he does. He doesn't get into reading books or magazines on his days off of work, but he doesn't care if I do.

No marriage is ever perfect; every marriage needs to be worked on to maintain it. Does he do things that get on my nerves? Sure. I am sure I do things that get on his nerves. But that's the good thing about being married to your kindred spirit--you're willing to compromise on the small stuff. The need to change the other person just isn't there.

A lot of people don't believe me, but we have been married since August of 1999 and have never had a fight. It's true. Because we are kindred spirits neither of us sees the purpose of fighting. What does it accomplish? Nothing. Usually you just end up hurting each other's feelings by saying hateful things and what is the point of that? It just breeds resentment and doesn't solve anything.

It is nice to be raising my children with my kindred spirit. We have the same beliefs and ideals, so there is never any question as to whether either of us agrees or disagrees with the children's discipline and upbringing.

We have the same taste in everything. We like the same food and drink, the same styles of everything from clothes to cars to music. There never seems to be anything that comes up that one of us likes and the other one doesn't.

When it is time for me to give my children advice on what to look for in a partner, I will tell them what it took me so long to learn: Don't try and change someone because you think you want to be with them. Find yourself your kindred spirit and if that means waiting and searching, then wait and search. I am guessing that as kids do, they will have to learn the hard way, but ... it'll be worth the wait.

The Author

Jennifer is a working mother to a nine-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son. She writes for fun and this is her second contribution to Mosaic Minds. She lives in Reno, Nevada with her husband and children, though she is a western Montana native. She returns to Big Sky country every summer on her Harley Davidson, the love of her life behind her family.