Searching for Your Soulmate?

by Beverly Tjerngren

I spend more time than I should probably admit browsing through blogs, lurking on internet message boards, and leafing through women's magazines, and it seems that nearly everyone is looking for his or her "soulmate." And for every person who is alone, or stuck in an unsatisfying relationship, there is some smug soul waiting in the wings to offer assurances that The One is out there and worth waiting for. After all, what could be better than finally finding that special person, your twin soul, the other half whose spirit matches up perfectly with yours? Surely something so right is something we should all be searching for, while at the same time be willing to wait patiently for, right?

Poppycock, I say.

"Soulmate" has long been one of those words that annoys the living daylights out of me. I am quite certain that I have never used it earnestly in conversation. In fact, the mere act of typing it as many times as I've already done here causes me pain. As the reader has doubtless deduced by now, I don't believe in soulmates. While the idea makes for great plotlines for romance novels and chick flicks, it just doesn't translate well to real life.

Sure, everyone knows at least a handful of couples who seem just "made for each other," and it's impossible to imagine either half being coupled with someone else, and I'll agree that certain matches are infinitely better than others. However, I will steadfastly maintain until my dying day that there are any number of people that a given person could be successfully and happily coupled with. The idea that there is someone for everyone just doesn't make sense to me, even if, as I've heard it argued, the powers that be arrange it so that the two halves of the Perfect Couple happen to be living just around the corner from each other.

And who wants a soulmate anyway? Well, obviously a lot of people do, but I certainly don't. Living a lifetime with someone who was my "other half," would drive me insane. I suppose that some people can build solid romantic relationships with others who are just like them, but that's not for me. As a matter of fact, my husband and I are so different that friends have questioned what exactly we see in each other. Recently I was trying to come up with an answer for someone who asked what the two of us have in common, and after a good ten or fifteen minutes, I couldn't think of one, single thing. We don't like the same books, the same shows, the same movies, the same music, the same activities, the same food, the same anything, it seems. Stumped, I finally looked at my friend and shrugged. "I don't know," I said. "We just like each other, I guess."

And we do. And it works, even if our spirits are more alien than kindred. I think he'd agree that "alien spirits" sounds much cooler, anyway.